Posts Tagged internet
Facebook has finally agreed to provide an alert button to aid child protection. Users can press it to report suspected grooming or inappropriate behaviour. Full story here
This made me remember how fearful I am for our children’s safety in this modern world (I forgot for a bit because I was busy cooking a stir fry). Computers purport to offer a world of fun and learning but they are leaving them open to horrific dangers. I decided it was well and truly time to wind the clock back and show children the wonders of old fashioned ye olde timey gosh darn it thingamyjig fun.
I organised for these Morris Dancers to perform in Trafalgar Square to show the yoof that they don’t need the dangerous internet or happy slaps or rhythm or good music to have fun. I hoped that by getting these middle aged men in odd clothing with peculiar taste in personal hobbies to gain the trust of these youth through such methods as distracting them with this puppet and dancing sexily then we could ‘lure’ them away from the internet sex offenders and over to safe, old fashioned, confusing fun.
The dancers performed some wholesome fun dancing for the innocent youngens here with The Blue Eyed Stranger and the old classic, Lumps of Plum Pudding.
Unfortunately, like all music throughout history has done once it tries to pander to a teenage audience, the Morris Dancers became carried away in their attempts to be edgy and suddenly performed this entirely inappropriately sexy song called, ‘Ladies Pleasure’. I get hot flushes just watching it (the lunges at 1:15 should be illegal!). I feel I haven’t just let the children down, I’ve let… oh no, they’re the only ones I’ve let down. Phew, that’s not too many people I’ve let down then, statistically speaking.
In conclusion, I think this video sums up everything there is to say about, well everything in the world really. So inspiring. So mystical. So confusing.
The artist formerly known as Nostradamus has released his latest album in CD format only, coming as a free give away with those paper versions of newspaper websites that people hold on the train when they can’t get any internet signal on their phone. Prince said ‘the internet is completely over. I don’t see why I should give my new music to iTunes.’ Full story in the Telegraph here
This news obviously foreshadows great change for the world, and much more importantly, for me. As someone who has only just begun to use the internet to showcase my amazing art, I am very sad to hear the internet is over. Frankly I would have appreciated a bit more warning from Prince and now I feel like a bit of a goose.
I wanted to represent Prince’s important news for us with a beautiful sculpture of him but I then read rumours that in 2007 he banned fan sites from using images of him. Apparently he then denied this and said it was only in regards to trademark of images, however I don’t want to risk getting into copywright trouble as I am always VERY careful with my art concerning copywright and ownership issues.
To represent Prince’s news and album release, I have regurgitated on this pavement. I then lured these pigeons over.
For centuries carrier pigeons have been used as vital messengers, especially when technology was not able to do this for us. Just like Prince, these pigeons bring important messages and hiptoplasmosis. In this artwork they are drawing our attention to the vomit, just like Prince is bringing up the issue of CDs, a technology that was served up, enjoyed and digested years ago. A technology that should really be left as a distant memory of a hearty meal but instead Prince is shoving two fingers up at the World Wide Web and then putting them down our collective throat until our gag reflex/nostalgia for a past era reacts.
Also the pigeons tried to talk to me about becoming a Jehova’s Witness.
I was also going to do a review of his CD but all the shops where those weird, human-shaped, talking internet shopping cart things sell the CDs near me have shut down and I can’t venture too far from my flat anymore as I am completely dependent on the internet and morbidly obese, fed by online supermarket deliveries and sexually serviced by Chat Roulette sessions and a Japanese robot sex toy I got free with some credit card points.
I decided to instead revisit some of his past work but sadly my iTunes is not syncing with my iPhone and after trying to get it working for the last two hours I have started weeping too much to see the keyboard.