Posts Tagged Royals
Prince William is to marry Kate Middleton. For two days the world has been excitedly discussing the ring he chose, upcoming royal memorabilia and whether they will scale down the wedding amidst these harsh economic times.
Firstly I want to point out that with all this talk about austerity and rings and so on, everyone keeps forgetting the simple, happy fairytale that is at the heart of this news.
I am referring, of course, to the joy that must be being felt by every single ‘official royal correspondent’ around England who FINALLY has a reason to be interviewed and asked for opinions again after years of a Royal News drought.
They must be as giddy as a bride on her wedding day as they stand by for interviews 24/7, pretending furiously that
a) They have any actual extra information to impart that normal reporters don’t already have
b) they have an important function in society and shouldn’t be euthanased now while the laws are still wishy washy.
But now, onto the news artwork.
I was disgusted at the angle that the business sector in London immediately took on how much money could be made out of this. A tale of young romance was instantly being assessed purely in pound values.
I even saw a man discussing how his factory had been planning the tacky mugs, plates and spoon memorabilia for this event for the last two years. They were actually tracking the pairing of twin souls simply to plot their profit through cheap trinkets!
What they are ignoring is that this is a beautiful expression of what is unique about Britain. William and Kate’s love is warm, comforting and calm. It is nourishing yet not too flashy. Above all it is thoroughly British and well mannered.
Just like a good cup of tea.
To represent this very British love, I made this tea pot and filled it with warm, loving, English Tea.
As I didn’t want to make it too flashy, I used quite cheap materials. I then realised that the money I saved on these materials meant I could afford to make many copies of it.
I wrote the title of the piece ‘William and Kate’s engagement, 2010’ on the outside of each copy.
As I was transporting them back to my studio via a flea market, I accidentally tripped and they fell, in neat order, onto an empty market stall. Several passers-by immediately offered me money for them as they saw my art as a way to remember this great event.
Of course, that is why I make art, so I was only too happy to sell them, at just twice what they were offering.
I had some more copies made and have already made a small mint. And as the Mint is where coins with the queen’s head on them are produced I guess, in a roundabout way, she would (officially) approve my tribute to her grandson’s important life decision/mass-manufactured, low-quality teapots.
The Queen celebrated her official birthday yesterday with the Trooping the Colour parade. Her real birthday is in April.
I wanted to use the opportunity of the Queen’s birthday to look at where the monarchy is in today’s world. Unfortunately I was busy in April on her birthday. Luckily for me, it turns out the Queen not only has been born into immense privilege and fortune, she also gets to celebrate this fact twice a year! On a fake birthday! And we pay for the party! And she doesn’t even help clean up in the morning!
There have been sad suggestions in recent years that support for the monarchy is waning. This is a terrible state of affairs and to convince people of why the Royals should retain our support I have sculpted this metaphorical cemetery. I have decorated it with gravestones that name the ideals we would lose forever if the monarchy were to disappear from our lives.
The ideals that the monarchy represents and you can see on these gravestones are;
-The class system,
-A country that has a deep history/old person smell,
-Unexplained corgi fettish,
-Increased tabloids sales,
-Making prison service sound classier by calling it ‘on her majesty’s pleasure’,
-Making people astonished when someone who lives a lavish lifestyle funded by taxpayer dollars was ‘down to earth and friendly’ in a two minute conversation,
I hope that the grim setting will work to shock people into realising how important these ideals are to our daily life.
The cemetery’s unveiling was a huge success and gathered quite a crowd. I asked the second cousin of the Queen to come and cut the ribbon at the opening ceremony and I was really impressed with how down to earth he was!! He even asked me what I do and nodded when I replied!! Twice! (for an extra 50 quid)
Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, was filmed by an undercover News of the World reporter offering access to Prince Andrew in exchange for an agreed sum of £500,000. She was recorded to say to the undercover reporter, ‘look after me and you will get it back tenfold’
The cheek and the betrayal of this hurt me to the core. The Duchess acts as though the fame and privilege the public has bestowed on her and her ex-husband is something they were entitled to and can use to barter for cash, rather than treat with the responsibility and respect it deserves.
I decided to do some Revenge Art. I went to the Victoria and Albert museum, her husband’s ancestors’ home. There I posed as a museum guide and charged people money to show them around.
I was using the trust that the Royals had put in me, as a patron to their museum, and abusing it by accepting money from people to be given closer access to the items, just as Fergie had offered people closer access to Prince Andrew.
Unfortunately, too late, I realised the real victims were still the British public. More specifically it was the couple from Leeds who I gave the expensive and inaccurate tour to.
Sadly I didn’t get their full names so this is now a plea; if anyone visited the V&A recently and was given a private tour by someone who may have accidentally called it ‘the VA Clinic’, please get in touch with me for a reimbursement of your £85.